Women must not act aggressive for not getting an easy orgasm from their male partner

Most women complain that their male partners fail to give them the ultimate Big ‘O’. Thus, they start over expecting from their man and hold them responsible for perhaps failing to reach a gratifying orgasm. Men on the other hand, find it disgusting when their female partner concentrates more on her orgasm, being least bothered about his enjoyment.


Meet the demand : Dr. Agarwal explains, “Women must not act aggressive if they are not getting an easy orgasm from their male partner. There might be several reasons behind this, so instead of showing your anger and making it look like an obligation for your better half, try enjoying the act to the fullest. And once you stop posing a demand for a gratifying climax, you will not only perform the act in a better way, but the enjoyment level would soar too.”

Slow and steady moves : Women are no less ravenous when it comes to sex, but they do define their limits when it comes to performing. They prefer a man who is not too wild in his sexual behaviour. The reason why men find it tough to give in to this demand is because they indulge in sex to enjoy and get pleasure, whereas women seek more of intimacy, cuddling, snuggling, which might not sound stimulating enough for a man.

Meet the demand : Dr. Mehrotra shares, “Expecting men to perform in bed as per your terms and conditions will kill sexual passion and lead to troubles in your sexual life. Though it doesn’t mean that you start accepting whatever your partner does in bed, but being too rigid and expecting them to perform slowly always is a bad move. Women need to understand that men harbour certain sexual desires and if you start imposing your viewpoint on them, it would lead nowhere. If their acts are uncomfortable, let them know about what turns you on and build a relationship based on mutual understanding.” 

Using protection : Treating sex like a duty or responsibility that has to be played out every night is not a healthy practice. Women, in general, insist a lot on using contraception and men aren’t too keen about it as it reduces their pleasure quotient. Also, the demand of using protection during every sex session is mostly driven by women’s pregnancy fears.

Be it male or female partners, everyone has their set of bedroom demands, which, if not satisfied by the other partner can ruin a relationship. Sometimes slightly kinky and not-so-nice sexual demands by your partner are a turn-off as they mar sexual pleasure. It's for the partners to decide how to react to these repeated demands while having sex. If your mate is unable to meet your sex demands, chances are high that you are going out of their comfort zone and over expecting. Here experts dole out advice on easier ways to control your sex demands so as to enjoy having sex with your partner without much of disagreement.


What defines a marriage? Is a piece of paper a legal transaction between two people that legally gives them and their kids “rights” and binds them “forever” because it’s so hard to end it legally? I’m asking you this because everywhere I look around me I see people cheating on their spouses, treating each other with disrespect, disregard and make marriage seem like a chore, a trap, or a prison. Because it’s so hard to get a quick divorce or a rightful settlement without years of agony in legal systems we see so many resignedly saying, “we are in it for the sake of the children”. Really? You want kids to grow up seeing parents sleeping in separate rooms, sharing no affection, fighting…and think their kids feel good about their home or their family life? How does it make them even view marriage?


I know of people that in their forties and refuse to get married because either they have seen the dysfunctional marriages of their parents, or their friends who did take the plunge. I know of men who get propositioned by married women who say It’s an “understanding” between them and their husbands that each can “do their own thing” but keep the marriage together. Hence, I ask, what actually defines marriage? My understanding of “through thick and thin and sick and sin” has a totally different storyline to what seems to be happening in so many marriages. Why did you get married? Was love, respect, commitment, loyalty and fidelity even negotiable? Why on earth would so many people allow their lives, dreams and hearts to be shattered in perpetuity because they signed a piece of paper? Why on earth would signing a document equally signing away your life? It’s really high time people started respecting themselves and stop disrespecting the institution of marriage itself.It is possibly every woman’s dream to be, at least once in her life, loved madly and to the exclusion of everything else. She dreams of being a man’s grand passion, allowing it to give her an identity. His attention, compliments and crazed passion serve to enhance her self-image as she exults in the power she wields over him.


Getting here isn't easy. In order to prolong pleasure, the woman must be highly aroused during foreplay, where being gentle is imperative. Extend the sexual tension between you and your partner by punctuating it with pauses, reading reactions and responding to them.

Similarly, a man dreams of being the centre of a woman’s existence, occupying her every waking thought and featuring in her dreams. He feels powerful when loved exclusively by her.
Once that is achieved – what next? Nothing can equal the intoxication of a successful chase or the triumph of a woman who knows she has power over her man. The power of these feelings is enough to make you believe that you have found your soul mate… till the sheen wears off!
Romance requires a willing suspension of disbelief – on both sides. A woman needs to believe that she is attractive and lovable. A man needs to believe in his power and prowess to attract women. And so long as both can fulfill this need for each other, romance blossoms!
Women love poets and artists, willingly suspend disbelief,  imagining they are the ones being celebrated in the poem or painting. However most artistes are more involved with their own selves than with anyone else — man or woman. Most women loved by creative men have found this at their own peril. Consider Lord Byron, a man who set out being known for his poetry and later became notorious for his affairs. He ploughed through married women, engaging their affections with unsparing focus and romancing them till the point that they got interested, which is when he would get bored and discard them.

In Lord Byron’s words — “Man’s love is of man’s life a part; it is a woman’s whole existence. In her first passion, a woman loves her lover, in all the others all she loves is love.”
Indeed, most of us are in love with love itself. If it were not so, would we not display wildly different behavior in different relationships? But our style of loving remains the same! Why is it that an obsessive lover will always remain so, while a confident, subdued lover will always retain the same traits? This is so because love does not emanate from the object. Love is within us and we just choose an object to lavish our attentions on.
Just as compassion needs a subject to be pitied and feel good about, and anger needs a trigger to burst forth, so does love require an object to express itself. The more romantic a person, the more centred on self he or she is! Romance is an outpouring of the subject and has very little to do with the object. The same person carries his depth, his passion, feelings, wooing, seduction with him. The object may keep changing!


A man will almost always use the same techniques and language to woo different women, while women will respond in their tried and tested mannerisms. In Paula Hawkins’ “The Girl on the Train”, when Rachel chances upon her husband Tom’s passionate messages to another woman, she is upset that he uses the same phrase to woo his mistress that he did with her some years ago,  “Don’t expect me to be sane, I can’t be, not with you.” And is wickedly amused at the fact that it has been stolen from Henry Miller!

For a majority of men, like with Byron, conquest is all. Their excitement is in the challenge and chase. Once hooked, they play with the game for a while and then rapidly lose interest. Once assured of their passionate engagement with him, Byron would rapidly lose interest in women he had obsessively chased, and long to get rid of them! “‘As to Love, that is done in a week…” he famously said.
Any extreme is bound to swing back with renewed force to the opposite end of the spectrum. The more the passion invested, the more the exasperation with the emotions and obsession aroused once the fever dies down. Obsessive passion never lasts; a steadier, more level loving has a far better chance of lasting a lifetime!

MEN’S SEXUAL DEMANDS
Instant undressing : Men find it very fascinating to see their girl naked. So mastering the act of undressing is a vital which men will insist on during a quickie. What irks women about this demand is the continuous pressure to undress all at once as most women prefer a long and sensual foreplay.

Meet the demand : Sex therapist Dr. Ratan Mehrotra suggests, “Men need to be a little more calm and patient and let women enter a comfort zone where they can undress sans any inhibitions. Expecting your mate to strip at once isn’t as simple as it may sound, so give her space, make her feel at ease and make it an enjoyable act. Maybe your lady is feeling shy; so turn off the lights and then tell her softly about your desire of getting a glimpse of her body.”

Wicked & Wild : It’s official that men are more sexually aggressive and they often expect their female partner to behave in a similar manner. While asking your babe to get adventurous, remember that your lady love may feel like you are behaving like a wild animal in bed.

Meet the demand : Mumbai-based sexologist Dr. Amit Agarwal states, “Demanding that your woman acts wild and wicked in bed as you expect them to be is unfair. Your female partner can't step into a porn star’s shoes and perform wild sex moves. Try and let her do what she enjoys doing in bed instead of forcing her to do things which you want. Once she is open to trying out newer sex positions, try asking her if she wants to opt for wilder moves.”

Oral pleasure : Oral pleasure can be enjoyed only when both partners give mutual consent. And quite often, it’s an imposed act on the female partner, because not all women are happy with the idea of going down to please their men.

Meet the demand : Sexologist Dr. Pushkar Gupta opines, “When it comes to intimate moments, nothing should be forced. Rather each act should be an expression of love. In case of oral sex, it’s true that men are more eager to receive oral pleasure and women often are reluctant mainly due to hygiene issues. Men must let the woman realise that this is equally a part of their physical intimacy and he is not forcing oral sex on her. Once a woman starts taking pleasure in the act, just wait for an initiative from her side rather that asking her to indulge in an oral act every time you get intimate.”