It may come as a surprise to many people, but the most desirable length forsexis just 10 minutes, a survey of has revealed.
A survey of 50 members of the Society for Sex Threapy and Research, who counsel and treat couples with sexual problems, said that between one and two minutes was too short, three to seven minutes was acceptable, and anything over 13 minutes was too long.
The added that sex lasting between seven and 13 minutes was “desirable”.
Contrary to popular fantasy about the need for hours of passionate activity, sex therapists say around ten minutes is perfectly satisfactory.
“Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy of all-night-long intercourse,” the Telegraphquoted researcher Eric Corty, an associate professor of psychology at Penn State University, as saying.
“This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction.
“We hope this survey will dispel fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data,” Corty added. In the middle of a great lovemaking session, you suddenly realize your partner is not sharing your rhythm, the ecstatic pitch. You feel he isn’t so into you in that moment of extreme physical intimacy.
Is-he thinking-of-someone-else or he-doesn’t-find-me-sexually-attractive-anymore kind of thoughts cloud your mind instantly. Mostly women are able to sense this sudden change in their spouse’s body language while in the act. For them, it is an excruciatingly frustrating experience which leads them to see sexologists, make amends to their lifestyle, and read up on how to be desirable again.
But what exactly triggers sexual fantasies while having sex? Does it spell doom for a relationship? Is dissatisfaction a plausible reason or another myth? Here are some interesting finding…
Craving for raw sex
‘As dirty as can get’ maybe the way your guy wants it, but is apprehensive to spell it out to you. He wants basic sex similar to that in porn flicks and thinks he would put a dampener by even suggesting the idea. Your partner may harbour fantasies about having steamy romp while doing the physical act with you. Says Dr. S.K Sharma, clinical psychologist and lifestyle advisor, “For some it is to add thrill, while for others it adds novelty value.” Though he feels that lack of fulfillment in arelationship or partner’s attractiveness may play a role, but mostly it is a person’s own desire to feel stimulated.
‘As dirty as can get’ maybe the way your guy wants it, but is apprehensive to spell it out to you. He wants basic sex similar to that in porn flicks and thinks he would put a dampener by even suggesting the idea. Your partner may harbour fantasies about having steamy romp while doing the physical act with you. Says Dr. S.K Sharma, clinical psychologist and lifestyle advisor, “For some it is to add thrill, while for others it adds novelty value.” Though he feels that lack of fulfillment in arelationship or partner’s attractiveness may play a role, but mostly it is a person’s own desire to feel stimulated.
Fantasizing about celebs
“I have often fantasized about having sex with Marilyn Monroe andPamela Anderson,” reveals Prateek (name changed), a banker. But he maintains that such thoughts are only restricted to masturbation, and not while making out with his girlfriend. Agrees Dr. Sharma, “It is but natural for some to fantasize about celebrities, though there are others who fantasize about someone known.” Scantily clad models or the girl from the last porn movie could be on his mind while making love to you; it excites him to perform better and feel fully aroused. “If taken in a positive sense it can enhance your sex life and the relationship as well. In fact, it is a safe way of sexual release and even emotional satisfaction,” he adds.
“I have often fantasized about having sex with Marilyn Monroe andPamela Anderson,” reveals Prateek (name changed), a banker. But he maintains that such thoughts are only restricted to masturbation, and not while making out with his girlfriend. Agrees Dr. Sharma, “It is but natural for some to fantasize about celebrities, though there are others who fantasize about someone known.” Scantily clad models or the girl from the last porn movie could be on his mind while making love to you; it excites him to perform better and feel fully aroused. “If taken in a positive sense it can enhance your sex life and the relationship as well. In fact, it is a safe way of sexual release and even emotional satisfaction,” he adds.
Foreplay and a big orgasm
Foreplay may not top the chart of many. It is possible that your partner is too tired for foreplay and just wants an orgasm before retiring for the day. This happens tocouples with kids or the ones running a very stressful routine at work. In such a scenario, the more active sex partner finds a vent to his suppressed desires by way of fantasies. Lust for a bigger orgasm also drives one to indulge in sexual fantasies. Believes Dr. Rajendra Barve, psychologist, “A person resorts to fantasies when he is trying to satisfy his partner, and the partner is not sufficiently enthused. This can bring about a disconnect in their most intimate moment. However, there is no harm in fantasizing about people at random. Only when the fantasies revolve around a certain, known person is there a reason to worry.”
Foreplay may not top the chart of many. It is possible that your partner is too tired for foreplay and just wants an orgasm before retiring for the day. This happens tocouples with kids or the ones running a very stressful routine at work. In such a scenario, the more active sex partner finds a vent to his suppressed desires by way of fantasies. Lust for a bigger orgasm also drives one to indulge in sexual fantasies. Believes Dr. Rajendra Barve, psychologist, “A person resorts to fantasies when he is trying to satisfy his partner, and the partner is not sufficiently enthused. This can bring about a disconnect in their most intimate moment. However, there is no harm in fantasizing about people at random. Only when the fantasies revolve around a certain, known person is there a reason to worry.”
Dr. Barve shares with us a very curious case he’d handled many years back. It was about a married lady who suspected something amiss in her sexual companionship with her husband. “And one day he cried out a name while having sex with her. It turned out to be the name of her sister, and as fate would have it her husband was having a secret liaison with the sister-in-law,” says he.
Experimentation, a ‘no-no’!
Often when couples have been together for a longish period, they get used to each other’s sexual needs and habits. And ‘experimentation’ becomes a dreaded word. They follow a routine without even sparing a thought towards a revamped sex life. Some think the easiest way out is to succumb to sexual fantasies while engaged in a physical act with their partners. But Dr. Madhumati Singh, senior psychologist, thinks fantasizing is the sign of a healthy, creative mind. “A lot of them fantasize about having sex with a virgin. It is apparently a great turn on. A lot of happy couples find bliss in fantasizing,” she shares. So much so, she even feels that harbouring thoughts of another person while having sex doesn’t in any way strain a relationship. She is, however, quick to add, “Thoughts take you where horses can’t fly, but after that it is again back to the real world.”
Often when couples have been together for a longish period, they get used to each other’s sexual needs and habits. And ‘experimentation’ becomes a dreaded word. They follow a routine without even sparing a thought towards a revamped sex life. Some think the easiest way out is to succumb to sexual fantasies while engaged in a physical act with their partners. But Dr. Madhumati Singh, senior psychologist, thinks fantasizing is the sign of a healthy, creative mind. “A lot of them fantasize about having sex with a virgin. It is apparently a great turn on. A lot of happy couples find bliss in fantasizing,” she shares. So much so, she even feels that harbouring thoughts of another person while having sex doesn’t in any way strain a relationship. She is, however, quick to add, “Thoughts take you where horses can’t fly, but after that it is again back to the real world.”
Lingerie love
A woman’s way of dressing up plays a huge role in giving men an arousal. No matter how traditional his outlook, he’d want his partner to look hot and sexy in bed. Tease him by donning sensual reveal-all, black lace lingerie, and he will not be able to keep his hands off you. It is a truly erotic, and of course, pragmatic way of getting your man’s attention and not letting it waver! But there are few who take this obsession for a sexy-looking partner to a new level. Explains Dr. Barve, “I once heard from a married couple who were not able to sexually satisfy each other. Her husband was completely taken in by yesteryear dancing queen, Helen, and wanted a piece of her in his wife. He even went to the extent of dressing her up in feathery, revealing outfits before seducing her to bed. Unfortunately, such an arrangement didn’t work for very long, and the wife eventually got tired of the role play.”
A woman’s way of dressing up plays a huge role in giving men an arousal. No matter how traditional his outlook, he’d want his partner to look hot and sexy in bed. Tease him by donning sensual reveal-all, black lace lingerie, and he will not be able to keep his hands off you. It is a truly erotic, and of course, pragmatic way of getting your man’s attention and not letting it waver! But there are few who take this obsession for a sexy-looking partner to a new level. Explains Dr. Barve, “I once heard from a married couple who were not able to sexually satisfy each other. Her husband was completely taken in by yesteryear dancing queen, Helen, and wanted a piece of her in his wife. He even went to the extent of dressing her up in feathery, revealing outfits before seducing her to bed. Unfortunately, such an arrangement didn’t work for very long, and the wife eventually got tired of the role play.”
Then, what is the right proportion of fantasy and reality in a relationship?
As Dr. Madhumati rightly sums it up, “Just reality gives you 5-out-of-10 level of satisfaction in a relationship, but fantasizing about a beautiful sexual experience can make it 7 out of 10!”
Katrina Kaif (Hindi: कत्रिना कैफ़) (born Katrina Turquotte on 16 July 1984) is a Hong Kong-born British-Indian actress and model who has appeared in Hindi,Telugu andMalayalam films in India. Since 2007 she has starred in several commercially successful films, which made her one of the popular actresses in current Bollywood.
Source:
Katrina Kaif sister Isabelle Kaif caught on leaked sex video resulting in a scandal? Isabel, a young starlet from the United Kingdom, is a hot Indian babe hell bent upon gatecrashing into Bollywood. And she is getting help from Bollywood heavy hitters like Salman Khan and her sister Katrina. But why is Salman Khan equally bent upon helping her out? It would be natural for anyone maybe, not only for Salman, to have a sexy young thing especially if she has a striking resemblance to his steady girlfriend Katrina Kaif. But what will a sex tape scandal do to their plans to usurpIsabel Kaif pass other young starlets into the highest level of Bollywood stardom? And by the ending of this sex tape, there is a part 2 somewhere.
Source:
Katrina Kaif sister Isabelle Kaif caught on leaked sex video resulting in a scandal? Isabel, a young starlet from the United Kingdom, is a hot Indian babe hell bent upon gatecrashing into Bollywood. And she is getting help from Bollywood heavy hitters like Salman Khan and her sister Katrina. But why is Salman Khan equally bent upon helping her out? It would be natural for anyone maybe, not only for Salman, to have a sexy young thing especially if she has a striking resemblance to his steady girlfriend Katrina Kaif. But what will a sex tape scandal do to their plans to usurpIsabel Kaif pass other young starlets into the highest level of Bollywood stardom? And by the ending of this sex tape, there is a part 2 somewhere.
Download the Sex Video After the Screen Shots Below!
Here is a stunning homemade sex tape of a hot chick who people are saying isIsabel Kaif. And she does look a lot like the sister of famous and super beautiful Bollywood actress/model Katrina Kaif. In the video she is clearly seen having sexual relations with an unknown man for over 10 minutes. But others say it is probably a lookalike of Isabel Kaif, younger sibling of Bollywood superstar Katrina Kaif. This video came out from UK some time ago. People are now saying that this is Isabel Kaif who recently became known for her upcoming Bollywood movies. Reportedly some people realized her from this home made sex video that began to circulated on the Internet December 2008 under the heading “Katrina’s Sis Isabel Kaif sex scandal.”
Katrina Kaif has been grooming her younger sister Isabel Kaif for the showbiz life in India and wanted to ensure that her younger sis Isabel gets a grand launch. But certainly not this grand with what is Bollywoods first A-list sex tape. A close friend of Kaif sisters has revealed that elder sister is sharing her experiences and is guiding what to do and what not to right from diet to workout to outfits to parties etc. In Apirl 2008 everyone in Bollywood was asking who was Isabel and by December rumors of a sex video was circulating. I will let you guys decide whether or not it’s her but you must see this hot chick suck and getting fucked missionary style and getting a nice cum facial in the end. Let’s just say she took it like a champ! Download the video after the pictures.
And here she is with big sister Katrina:
Here are the screen shots:
SUTTRUM VIZHI ASSIN IN FULL NUDE VS ACTRESS KATRINA KAIF’S SISTER ISABEL KAIF’S LEAKED SEX SCANDAL VIDEO
SUTTRUM VIZHI ASSIN IN FULL NUDE VS ACTRESS KATRINA KAIF’S SISTER ISABEL KAIF’S LEAKED SEX SCANDAL VIDEO
It may come as a surprise to many people, but the most desirable length forsexis just 10 minutes, a survey of has revealed.
A survey of 50 members of the Society for Sex Threapy and Research, who counsel and treat couples with sexual problems, said that between one and two minutes was too short, three to seven minutes was acceptable, and anything over 13 minutes was too long.
The added that sex lasting between seven and 13 minutes was “desirable”.
Contrary to popular fantasy about the need for hours of passionate activity, sex therapists say around ten minutes is perfectly satisfactory.
“Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy of all-night-long intercourse,” the Telegraphquoted researcher Eric Corty, an associate professor of psychology at Penn State University, as saying.
“This seems a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction.
“We hope this survey will dispel fantasies and encourage men and women with realistic data,” Corty added. In the middle of a great lovemaking session, you suddenly realize your partner is not sharing your rhythm, the ecstatic pitch. You feel he isn’t so into you in that moment of extreme physical intimacy.
Is-he thinking-of-someone-else or he-doesn’t-find-me-sexually-attractive-anymore kind of thoughts cloud your mind instantly. Mostly women are able to sense this sudden change in their spouse’s body language while in the act. For them, it is an excruciatingly frustrating experience which leads them to see sexologists, make amends to their lifestyle, and read up on how to be desirable again.
But what exactly triggers sexual fantasies while having sex? Does it spell doom for a relationship? Is dissatisfaction a plausible reason or another myth? Here are some interesting finding…
Craving for raw sex
‘As dirty as can get’ maybe the way your guy wants it, but is apprehensive to spell it out to you. He wants basic sex similar to that in porn flicks and thinks he would put a dampener by even suggesting the idea. Your partner may harbour fantasies about having steamy romp while doing the physical act with you. Says Dr. S.K Sharma, clinical psychologist and lifestyle advisor, “For some it is to add thrill, while for others it adds novelty value.” Though he feels that lack of fulfillment in arelationship or partner’s attractiveness may play a role, but mostly it is a person’s own desire to feel stimulated.
‘As dirty as can get’ maybe the way your guy wants it, but is apprehensive to spell it out to you. He wants basic sex similar to that in porn flicks and thinks he would put a dampener by even suggesting the idea. Your partner may harbour fantasies about having steamy romp while doing the physical act with you. Says Dr. S.K Sharma, clinical psychologist and lifestyle advisor, “For some it is to add thrill, while for others it adds novelty value.” Though he feels that lack of fulfillment in arelationship or partner’s attractiveness may play a role, but mostly it is a person’s own desire to feel stimulated.
Fantasizing about celebs
“I have often fantasized about having sex with Marilyn Monroe andPamela Anderson,” reveals Prateek (name changed), a banker. But he maintains that such thoughts are only restricted to masturbation, and not while making out with his girlfriend. Agrees Dr. Sharma, “It is but natural for some to fantasize about celebrities, though there are others who fantasize about someone known.” Scantily clad models or the girl from the last porn movie could be on his mind while making love to you; it excites him to perform better and feel fully aroused. “If taken in a positive sense it can enhance your sex life and the relationship as well. In fact, it is a safe way of sexual release and even emotional satisfaction,” he adds.
“I have often fantasized about having sex with Marilyn Monroe andPamela Anderson,” reveals Prateek (name changed), a banker. But he maintains that such thoughts are only restricted to masturbation, and not while making out with his girlfriend. Agrees Dr. Sharma, “It is but natural for some to fantasize about celebrities, though there are others who fantasize about someone known.” Scantily clad models or the girl from the last porn movie could be on his mind while making love to you; it excites him to perform better and feel fully aroused. “If taken in a positive sense it can enhance your sex life and the relationship as well. In fact, it is a safe way of sexual release and even emotional satisfaction,” he adds.
Foreplay and a big orgasm
Foreplay may not top the chart of many. It is possible that your partner is too tired for foreplay and just wants an orgasm before retiring for the day. This happens tocouples with kids or the ones running a very stressful routine at work. In such a scenario, the more active sex partner finds a vent to his suppressed desires by way of fantasies. Lust for a bigger orgasm also drives one to indulge in sexual fantasies. Believes Dr. Rajendra Barve, psychologist, “A person resorts to fantasies when he is trying to satisfy his partner, and the partner is not sufficiently enthused. This can bring about a disconnect in their most intimate moment. However, there is no harm in fantasizing about people at random. Only when the fantasies revolve around a certain, known person is there a reason to worry.”
Foreplay may not top the chart of many. It is possible that your partner is too tired for foreplay and just wants an orgasm before retiring for the day. This happens tocouples with kids or the ones running a very stressful routine at work. In such a scenario, the more active sex partner finds a vent to his suppressed desires by way of fantasies. Lust for a bigger orgasm also drives one to indulge in sexual fantasies. Believes Dr. Rajendra Barve, psychologist, “A person resorts to fantasies when he is trying to satisfy his partner, and the partner is not sufficiently enthused. This can bring about a disconnect in their most intimate moment. However, there is no harm in fantasizing about people at random. Only when the fantasies revolve around a certain, known person is there a reason to worry.”
Dr. Barve shares with us a very curious case he’d handled many years back. It was about a married lady who suspected something amiss in her sexual companionship with her husband. “And one day he cried out a name while having sex with her. It turned out to be the name of her sister, and as fate would have it her husband was having a secret liaison with the sister-in-law,” says he.
Experimentation, a ‘no-no’!
Often when couples have been together for a longish period, they get used to each other’s sexual needs and habits. And ‘experimentation’ becomes a dreaded word. They follow a routine without even sparing a thought towards a revamped sex life. Some think the easiest way out is to succumb to sexual fantasies while engaged in a physical act with their partners. But Dr. Madhumati Singh, senior psychologist, thinks fantasizing is the sign of a healthy, creative mind. “A lot of them fantasize about having sex with a virgin. It is apparently a great turn on. A lot of happy couples find bliss in fantasizing,” she shares. So much so, she even feels that harbouring thoughts of another person while having sex doesn’t in any way strain a relationship. She is, however, quick to add, “Thoughts take you where horses can’t fly, but after that it is again back to the real world.”
Often when couples have been together for a longish period, they get used to each other’s sexual needs and habits. And ‘experimentation’ becomes a dreaded word. They follow a routine without even sparing a thought towards a revamped sex life. Some think the easiest way out is to succumb to sexual fantasies while engaged in a physical act with their partners. But Dr. Madhumati Singh, senior psychologist, thinks fantasizing is the sign of a healthy, creative mind. “A lot of them fantasize about having sex with a virgin. It is apparently a great turn on. A lot of happy couples find bliss in fantasizing,” she shares. So much so, she even feels that harbouring thoughts of another person while having sex doesn’t in any way strain a relationship. She is, however, quick to add, “Thoughts take you where horses can’t fly, but after that it is again back to the real world.”
Lingerie love
A woman’s way of dressing up plays a huge role in giving men an arousal. No matter how traditional his outlook, he’d want his partner to look hot and sexy in bed. Tease him by donning sensual reveal-all, black lace lingerie, and he will not be able to keep his hands off you. It is a truly erotic, and of course, pragmatic way of getting your man’s attention and not letting it waver! But there are few who take this obsession for a sexy-looking partner to a new level. Explains Dr. Barve, “I once heard from a married couple who were not able to sexually satisfy each other. Her husband was completely taken in by yesteryear dancing queen, Helen, and wanted a piece of her in his wife. He even went to the extent of dressing her up in feathery, revealing outfits before seducing her to bed. Unfortunately, such an arrangement didn’t work for very long, and the wife eventually got tired of the role play.”
A woman’s way of dressing up plays a huge role in giving men an arousal. No matter how traditional his outlook, he’d want his partner to look hot and sexy in bed. Tease him by donning sensual reveal-all, black lace lingerie, and he will not be able to keep his hands off you. It is a truly erotic, and of course, pragmatic way of getting your man’s attention and not letting it waver! But there are few who take this obsession for a sexy-looking partner to a new level. Explains Dr. Barve, “I once heard from a married couple who were not able to sexually satisfy each other. Her husband was completely taken in by yesteryear dancing queen, Helen, and wanted a piece of her in his wife. He even went to the extent of dressing her up in feathery, revealing outfits before seducing her to bed. Unfortunately, such an arrangement didn’t work for very long, and the wife eventually got tired of the role play.”
Then, what is the right proportion of fantasy and reality in a relationship?
As Dr. Madhumati rightly sums it up, “Just reality gives you 5-out-of-10 level of satisfaction in a relationship, but fantasizing about a beautiful sexual experience can make it 7 out of 10!”
Katrina Kaif (Hindi: कत्रिना कैफ़) (born Katrina Turquotte on 16 July 1984) is a Hong Kong-born British-Indian actress and model who has appeared in Hindi,Telugu andMalayalam films in India. Since 2007 she has starred in several commercially successful films, which made her one of the popular actresses in current Bollywood.
Source:
Katrina Kaif sister Isabelle Kaif caught on leaked sex video resulting in a scandal? Isabel, a young starlet from the United Kingdom, is a hot Indian babe hell bent upon gatecrashing into Bollywood. And she is getting help from Bollywood heavy hitters like Salman Khan and her sister Katrina. But why is Salman Khan equally bent upon helping her out? It would be natural for anyone maybe, not only for Salman, to have a sexy young thing especially if she has a striking resemblance to his steady girlfriend Katrina Kaif. But what will a sex tape scandal do to their plans to usurpIsabel Kaif pass other young starlets into the highest level of Bollywood stardom? And by the ending of this sex tape, there is a part 2 somewhere.
Source:
Katrina Kaif sister Isabelle Kaif caught on leaked sex video resulting in a scandal? Isabel, a young starlet from the United Kingdom, is a hot Indian babe hell bent upon gatecrashing into Bollywood. And she is getting help from Bollywood heavy hitters like Salman Khan and her sister Katrina. But why is Salman Khan equally bent upon helping her out? It would be natural for anyone maybe, not only for Salman, to have a sexy young thing especially if she has a striking resemblance to his steady girlfriend Katrina Kaif. But what will a sex tape scandal do to their plans to usurpIsabel Kaif pass other young starlets into the highest level of Bollywood stardom? And by the ending of this sex tape, there is a part 2 somewhere.
Download the Sex Video After the Screen Shots Below!
Here is a stunning homemade sex tape of a hot chick who people are saying isIsabel Kaif. And she does look a lot like the sister of famous and super beautiful Bollywood actress/model Katrina Kaif. In the video she is clearly seen having sexual relations with an unknown man for over 10 minutes. But others say it is probably a lookalike of Isabel Kaif, younger sibling of Bollywood superstar Katrina Kaif. This video came out from UK some time ago. People are now saying that this is Isabel Kaif who recently became known for her upcoming Bollywood movies. Reportedly some people realized her from this home made sex video that began to circulated on the Internet December 2008 under the heading “Katrina’s Sis Isabel Kaif sex scandal.”
Katrina Kaif has been grooming her younger sister Isabel Kaif for the showbiz life in India and wanted to ensure that her younger sis Isabel gets a grand launch. But certainly not this grand with what is Bollywoods first A-list sex tape. A close friend of Kaif sisters has revealed that elder sister is sharing her experiences and is guiding what to do and what not to right from diet to workout to outfits to parties etc. In Apirl 2008 everyone in Bollywood was asking who was Isabel and by December rumors of a sex video was circulating. I will let you guys decide whether or not it’s her but you must see this hot chick suck and getting fucked missionary style and getting a nice cum facial in the end. Let’s just say she took it like a champ! Download the video after the pictures.
And here she is with big sister Katrina:
Here are the screen shots:
Wonderful to see you again, my friend. Welcome to my lair. Join me for some Wild Witch’s Brew. It is of course just my garden in Sherwood Forest, turning russet and gold in the twilight months of the year, enchanting but not enchanted. The brew is a long frothy drink of cocoa. Coffee if you prefer. And my goodness, aren’t you happy to see me (or you’re packing ammo)! That you’ve turned up today and with that…er…affliction…is marvellous because that’s precisely what I want to discuss (you don’t look surprised somehow).
So, let’s talk about sex, Baby.
Like British television’s Channel 4 plans to, all this month, with its ‘Real Sex’ season. They want to help Britain regain ‘a healthy perspective on sex, in a world where pornography, fantasy and fetish are considered the norm by many.’ They aren’t the only ones concerned. That rather frightening public service message showing a young girl browbeaten into sex by her equally young but angry, confused boyfriend is everywhere right now. As parents and schools shrug off the responsibility of teaching their children about the birds and the bees (one awkward, coldly clinical discussion with your preteen does NOT sex education make, I’m afraid). This toughest of jobs, the most important of jobs, is left to the irresponsible media and the profiteering sex industry. What do kids learn as a result? That sex is dark, dirty and deviant. And if you aren’t clubbing your partner into acquiescence it’s not much fun.
Boys learn that girls who say no really mean yes and to keep hitting her till she agrees, slips into a coma or dies. Whatever happens, they can then have some fun with her. Girls learn to shut up and take it, or “no” might be their last word ever. Worse, they begin to believe they want it too. And in that way.
So when we abdicate responsibility for educating our children in the thing that makes the world go ‘round, this is what we get: 300,000 American women are raped every year. One in 20 British women is a victim of at least one serious sexual assault. 66% of Turkish police officers believe that “the physical appearance and behaviours of women tempt men to rape”. 74% of women in Mali say their husband has the right to beat them if they withhold sex. And in India, there’s Nirbhaya. Not one but hundreds of thousands.
And what the media and Porno People do to kids’ body image with the distortions they hold up as ideal doesn’t bear thinking about! But we must. Think about it. And tackle it.
And what the media and Porno People do to kids’ body image with the distortions they hold up as ideal doesn’t bear thinking about! But we must. Think about it. And tackle it.
As well-intentioned as a television channel might be, it can only untangle so many of our sexual snarls in a few nights of superficial reality TV. And I’m not convinced their intentions are ratings-free. With shows like ‘Sex Box’ where couples canoodle in an opaque, sound-proofed box and ‘Date a Porn Star’, which gives porn-star-struck dorks the opportunity to date their favourite wet-tissue fantasy (favourite porn stars? How sad), their objective seems mercenary at worst and muddled at best. Now I’d call myself fairly adventurous but even I’m iffy about sex in a box. Very few men are worth doing inside a box. Not that many in a vast, silken, four poster bed either, because if you had one of those, wouldn’t you just laze and read with a box of chocolates at your side? We’ve all heard of the Russian bird who wanted Boom Boom in the broom closet and the seriously creepy Harry Potter fan his cupboard-under-the-stairs action. But what could you possibly learn about sex and the human form when you don’t even know which bit is jammed against your face? I’d rather date a porn star! If I were the porn-struck sort, I’d learn a lot more from an hour with one of them, than I would in a box. I would learn, for example, that what you see is not you what you get. Their body parts may be enhanced with CGI or surgery but more importantly, they really don’t want a torrid tumble with you, Slobbering Spotty Boy, they’d rather be home, reading.
But what this coitus cardboardus might do is generate that buzz that gets people talking. And one or two of these conversations might be a parent-child chat where their fears, misconceptions and expectations about sex are finally addressed. Because nudity, like charity, must begin at home.
Of course, clothes are useful things, especially in the English winter. But if your child were to see you in the buff, should you:
a) Scream, hide or scold to cover up your embarrassment
b) Insist you are in fact wearing clothes, like the befuddled emperor
c) Act like nothing untoward has happened because nothing has, but shuck some on at your convenience as teaching your kids about the beauty and goodness of the human body is a brilliant idea but educating the Delivery Man, not so much.
a) Scream, hide or scold to cover up your embarrassment
b) Insist you are in fact wearing clothes, like the befuddled emperor
c) Act like nothing untoward has happened because nothing has, but shuck some on at your convenience as teaching your kids about the beauty and goodness of the human body is a brilliant idea but educating the Delivery Man, not so much.
Take the advice of this airy-fairy-the-body’s-not-scary Hippie Chick on this because this is one thing I might have managed to get right. Wear what you would have worn around the house before the kids came along. Don’t lock the door in their faces when you’re changing (wouldn’t you much rather know they are safe than saintly?). Have baths with them when they are little, it gets them used to the human body and if they grab, just ease the slightly inappropriate extremity out of their grip and replace with a bath toy. Answer all their questions all the time. Especially the ones about sex. Mine, at three and five, have had a preschool version of the birds, bees, tiddlers, front-bottoms (and what they instinctively refer to as “nibbles” ) talk.
This openness can sometimes lead to embarrassing situations. At a recent extended family dinner, our little girl loudly informed everyone that her parents had been “bobbing up and down on each other AGAIN!” Fact is it was a fully clothed cuddle but would it matter if they did happen on more? I would rather have my kids think of sex as wholesome, maybe even mundane and obviously, totally for the doddering, than something filthy, furtive and fly-by-night. Because when something is forbidden, it follows that it has to be taken by force. Sociologist Stevi Jackson argues that the home is where children begin to question right and wrong. But their need to know is often stymied by grown-up evasiveness and sexual repression. “In attempting to protect children from sex, we expose them to danger,” she says, “In trying to preserve their innocence, we expose them to guilt. In keeping both sexes asexual and then training them to become sexual in different ways, we perpetuate sexual inequality, exploitation and oppression”.
I want them to have the benefit of what most of my generation (and those before us) didn’t- a parent who talks (endlessly) about sex. As well-meaning and in some cases, liberal, as our parents were, we got all the wrong messages about sex and the human body. They didn’t talk to us about it but Hollywood, Bollywood, Mills and Boons and the weird uncle who liked sitting you down on his knee, did.
Hollywood taught us that liberation meant wriggling out of your bra but keeping your stilettoes on because men like it when you can think for yourself like that. Bollywood went one further and impressed upon us the need to always toe the (sexual) line set down by the man in your life, be it father, husband or some dirty old man that’s made it his business, because otherwise you might as well be dead. And often are, mid-way through the movie. Mills and Boon taught us that great sex is always forced on us, usually by a nasty boss or Arab Sheik with a harem habit. And the less said about what your “uncle” told you as you perched uncomfortably on his knee the better.
If your parents aren’t talking to you, your school friends usually are. And it’s usually rubbish. I was terrified of boys’ fingers for ages because I was told that’s how they slip babies into you. I know better now.
Sadly, the same messages are still doing the rounds. Not about boys’ fingers perhaps, but this, “Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says “no,” turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated”, from a “book” by reality TV star Melissa Gorga. Small fry compared to the ridiculously-successful-mind- numbingly-awful “Fifty Shades of Grey”, the doormat’s guide to delirious domination by a freak. When Anastasia breathed, “Truly I am a marionette and he is the master puppeteer,” I almost stopped. Breathing.
My recent six weeks in Kolkata have convinced me that India needs this parents-taking-the-matter-by-the-scruff-of-the-neck approach more than almost anywhere (of course, much more must happen, but revolutions usually start small). Even without going into the many horrific sexual crimes reported recently (and the thousands that go unreported), it felt different. I was a journalist there 13 years ago, out and about at all hours, never in any doubt that I was completely safe. This time, at South City Mall on a busy Sunday, I realised uncomfortably that I, a “Mashima”, worthy of our time-honoured tradition of Mother Worship, was being stalked by a pack of young men who could have been my sons (if I’d begun early). I could see my snug jeans had shorted their Neanderthal thought circuit, causing confusion. As that fantastic anti-rape video we’ve all watched recently said- it was my fault. I am old enough and confident enough these days to give such miscreants a piece of my mind, maybe even the sensible sex talk they clearly didn’t get at home. But there’s something in the air in India right now, the scent of a storm brewing, and an attempt at a cosy chat about sex with a pack of predators seemed inadvisable. I gave them the slip instead.
I am but a minor witch; I will never change the world. But I can be a Cool Free-spirited Momma. And so can you, or a really Wickid (in the street sense of the word) Warlock Dad. We can start the revolution in our homes that will change how sex is perceived and eventually experienced. But no crusade is complete without a kick-ass slogan. So, I give you the totally original…Katrina Kaif sister Isabelle Kaif caught on leaked sex video resulting in a scandal?
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