The Home Minister Zahid Hamidi, in announcing the setting up of the syariah police unit, called upon Muslims “to set aside their political differences and unite to solve issues facing Islam”.
Welcome to the ongoing discussion about living your best life after 50. Each week, I post an article to ignite a discussion about the challenges and joys of midlife. Please read, share, comment and engage! The more people involved in the conversation, the more we’ll all connect and learn from each other. If there’s something specific you’d like to discuss, I’d love to hear from you.
Is it possible to move past your partner’s betrayal and save your marriage?
Not a day goes by without some celebrity scandal or the other splashed across news channels or tabloids. Truth be told, they make for interesting dinnertime gossip. Case in point: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Even though the two have now officially parted ways, The Twilight heartthrob graciously took back his co-star and girlfriend, despite her infamous cheating scandal. However, what happens when you are at the receiving end of your partners’ infidelity?
Contrary to popular belief, an estranged couple can work towards re-building their relationship. If there has been infidelity in a relationship, there are steps that one can follow for the complete revival of their relationship.
Know the reasons for the infidelity: There are countless reasons why people cheat. You might reach a stage of both emotional and physical disconnect or your partner might be getting lavished with attention that you don’t give him/her anymore. Even though the act of cheating is not justified, recognizing the reasons behind the act is important. The one thing that becomes certain after an affair is that your relationship needs immediate repair. Says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorany, “Dealing with your partners infidelity can be a traumatic experience. The basic premise of a relationship that is trust is broken or fractured in a relationship. Identifying the reasons for the infidelity is of utmost importance.”
Give yourself time to get over the hurt: The amount of time you’ll take to get over your partners’ cheating varies from person to person. It’s important that you allow yourself the time and space to deal with it in the right way. You may want to lash out at your partner or keep your distance from him. Different people have different ways of healing. “When I found out about my husband’s infidelity, after seven years of marriage, I decided to stay away as I felt betrayed and hurt. After a point though, we decided to sit together and confront our feelings in order to salvage our relationship,” says Megha Rai (name changed).
Accept and communicate: If it boils down to pointing fingers and accusing one another, it will be extremely difficult to renew your broken relationship. Both partners should first accept their part of the blame and decide whether they want to work towards rebuilding their relationship. Honesty and complete openness with your partner can help. Remember that there are no winners or losers and all trace of ego or pride should be kept aside. Once the partner who has been infidel accepts his faults, you can both be well on your way to weaving your trust back again.
Set boundaries: It’s of chief importance that your partner knows the amount of hurt he/she has caused you. Talk it out with your partner and set some much-needed boundaries in order for both the parties to grieve and repent respectively. “The correct, process to deal with cheating is to give some time for your hurt to heal. Never suppress or bottle up emotions about what you are feeling,” adds Seema. It can take considerable time for the feelings of hurt, disloyalty, and pain to subside, don’t bargain your self-respect out of fear of losing your relationship. Instead set some important boundaries and stick by them.
Move forward: Reminding yourself or your partner about the infidelity at every other instance should be avoided. The cheated-upon person goes through a flood of emotions but so does the infidel. If you have both mutually decided to move past the incident and work towards repairing your relationship, persist and be sensitive towards your partners emotions. When a couple decides to reconcile and make concerted efforts towards the same, they could potentially have a fuller, more mature relationship post the cheating incident. It might not be too late, after all.
Women indulge in sex not for love and passion, but for various other “unromantic” reasons— including relieving themselves of boredom, out of pity for a man and even to cure a migraine headache—says a new book.
Why Women Have Sex by Cindy Meston andDavid Buss has highlighted 200 reasons as to why women have sexual intercourse.
While attraction ranks way down in the list, it seems that women go to bed with their partners as a way of relieving boredom, keeping the peace, curing a headache and even as a thank you for a nice dinner.
Why Women Have Sex by Cindy Meston andDavid Buss has highlighted 200 reasons as to why women have sexual intercourse.
While attraction ranks way down in the list, it seems that women go to bed with their partners as a way of relieving boredom, keeping the peace, curing a headache and even as a thank you for a nice dinner.
“Research has shown that most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all,” the Telegraph quoted the authors, who are both psychology professors at theUniversity of Texas, as saying.
The researchers interviewed 1,006 women as research for the book, and found some very surprising answers.
One revealed that she did it for a spiritual experience, as she thought it to be “the closest thing to God”.
Others listed “cure for stress headache”, “to make my sexual skills better” and “for a clearer complexion”.
However, the majority (84 per cent), admitted that they had sex to ensure a quiet life or to bargain for their partners to carry out household chores.
“I have sex to relieve the boredom. Because it’s easier than fighting. Plus it gives me something to do,” said one of the interviewee.
While another admitted: “I had sex with a couple of guys because I felt sorry for them.”
One of the surveys carried out by the authors revealed that one in ten women admitted having sexual intercourse in return for presents, or lavish meals.
Responses included “he bought me a nice dinner” or “he spent a lot of money on me early on”, “he gave me gifts early on” and “he showed me he had an extravagant lifestyle”
Recently, I posted an article here on The Huffington Post that generated many comments and lots of shares. “The Seven Biggest Mistakes We Make in Midlife (and How to Avoid Them” delved into some of the areas that seem to cause the most angst for us as we age, holding us back. I offered thoughts on how to address them, head-on. Based on the input I got from readers on HuffPost, Facebook and Twitter, one of the biggest issues for a lot of us is fear, and specifically the fear of aging. Many people talked about the fear of being alone, of poor health and of being forgotten. Here’s a snippet of what I wrote in that article:
The best advice I can give you is this: Be fearless after 50. Fear will stop you from pursuing your dreams, and could cause you to give up and give in, keeping you a prisoner in your comfort zone. This is the simple concept I learned from researching, writing and living the advice in my book. If you’re healthy, you feel good. If you feel good, you look good. If you feel good and look good and have a vision for your future, you feel even better. If you’ve got all that plus the knowledge how to stay that way, you feel amazing. And if you feel amazing, who cares about age?
We tend to associate good sex with heat. We use terms like hot, steamy, scorching, searing when describing memorable sex. On the other hand cold showers, cold shoulders, and cold hearts generally aren’t associated with lustful pursuits.… Read more
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