FREEDOM AND PARTYING MIX AT TEL AVIV’S GAY PRIDE 2012

Sun, sea, sand and an influx of international tourists — it could only be Tel Aviv Gay Pride 2012.

Tourists and locals alike packed into the city’s Meir Park (Gan Meir in Hebrew) for the final day of Gay Pride 2012. With Tel Avivdeclared 2011 world’s best gay travel destination by GayCities.com, it was always going to be a spectacular affair. And the day didn’t disappoint. Speeches by politicians and diplomats, including U.S. Ambassador to Israel, Dan Shapiro, who shared a platform with gay rights activists and drag queens, set the tone before gay and straight alike took to the streets to march alongside the parade of exotic, highly visual and colorful floats. Anthems from gay icons blared out of speakers.

Councilor Yaniv Weizman, a member of the LGBT community in Tel Aviv who holds the municipality portfolios for both tourism and gay affairs, was delighted with the international turnout:

“Tel Aviv is the biggest gay city in the world for a reason. There’s a strong community life in Israel. It’s very open, very pluralistic. We invite people to come and visit.”

Israel has become one of the most progressive countries in the world and is recognized as the most tolerant country in the Middle East in legislating equality for sexual minorities and ensuring their civil and personal rights.

Earlier in the day, drag queen Kimberly Swan performed an energetic Madonna dance routine wearing her infamous conical bra through a perfect choreography of “Vogue” as well as other hits. The shaking and shimmying male and female back-up dancers had the crowd roaring.

Swan, who performs in Israel and in clubs in Europe as a choreographer, dancer and actor, was delighted to be part of the festivities:

“It was really an amazing day. I’ve been preparing for two weeks for the show with this amazing group of dancers. I chose to cover Nicki Minaj as she’s a big inspiration to me, as she believes in herself and what she wants to be.”

“I’m not going to be on a truck [float]. I’m going to walk the parade with a lot of pride.”

Sarah Imhoff, 31 and Eva Mroczek, 31 are holidaying in Israel from Bloomington, Indiana. They’re heterosexual, but felt it was important to come and show solidarity. This is not their first pride event. “It’s really awesome to see [pride] in Israel,” said Sarah. “We’re here in solidarity. “It’s really international, in ways other pride events aren’t,” Eva added.

My secret locked, a tale untold,
The only key, within your hand,
Too sacred for them to behold,
Too pure for them to understand.

Tonight I tell that tale to you,

An open book for you to read,

Your book, I yearn to read it too,

And share each breath, your every need.

Gone the lonesome years, weeks, days,
For now our hearts have taken flight,
You look at me with longing gaze,
And I, at you with shy delight.

Love me; love all that I am,
Cherish me as precious treasure,
Teach me with gentle guiding hand
Endlessly seeking His pleasure.

in a hollow hallway, in life’s way
He smiled at her,
And unto this day
She swears by that smile.

It took a few dates, a few words of amour
Till she felt love,
The kind he talked about.
She swears that it pumped her heart wild.

Love into marriage. A few seasons went by,
She had a few babies,
So much love, she could cry.
She swears by motherhood. Milky motherhood.

A few late nights, a few hotel bills
Unaccounted for,
No, not until
She flew into a rage. She broke down.

Many sweet words, promises to keep,
Fatty, thirty-something —
Lying in a heap,
From the pretty wife into being a pawn. 

One head-banging fit, not a friend in the world.
She left her haven,
No more the girl.
A fifty-something, someone, insignificant speck.
Submitting herself to the world: her asylum.

Closure
You whisked away a part of me,
Skirting the issue day by day,
The little emo, the little glee
Was lost. I was on my way
To becoming something better,
To becoming something wise,
No longer tied by fetters,
No need to be Miss Nice;
And then in a moment
Of utter clarity
Was this search for a moment
Where total parity
Could be drawn between us —
I needed to talk.
You didn’t need to give me the “US”
We could just walk…
To tell you and I have to —
To bring closure to me
That as friends do
So shall we..

The wedding is not the marriage. The wedding is a gateway to marriage, a formalised written commitment. Contractual agreements in personal relations are underrated these days. You wouldn’t buy a house or start a job without a contract, but we have romantic notions that a verbal declaration of love is sufficient to entrust our life, heart, emotional and spiritual wellbeing in another person. 

Formal, written, structured agreements do have an impact on individuals. Harriet Baber says security is the main reason for marriage, but her argument is a negative one, giving security against what she sees as the minus points of singledom. But I’m arguing that commitment and contracts encourage a more positive state for the couple – otherwise why put in the effort? There is clarity of expectation and direction. There is a clear understanding of joining together in union. There’s the positive mental attitude that says you’re in it for the long haul – and positive thinking is mighty powerful. Marriage in this sense is for the private good.

Having structured units with parameters and responsibilities that society recognises is also for the public good – offering stability, respect and boundaries for that relationship. And marriage seems to be a good thing for children, too. Yet we have no training these days in how to initiate and manage relationships (sex yes, relationships no). It’s all Hollywood and Heat magazine.

Arguments about what marriage is for tend to focus on only one of the three components – the couple, society or children, but the fact is that it’s a little bit of all three. Marriage is a formal written commitment between two people, with clearly spelt out rights and responsibilities on both sides. (That’s the problem with the “expression of love” or “knees up” approach to weddings – instead of focusing on the relationship, it’s all about the party.) These rights and responsibilities are recognised by wider society and enforced either legally or socially. In our culture, one example of these things is usually fidelity. This is usually a clear expectation of both spouses, and wider society is expected to support this. Hence we have the greater (but sadly diminishing) social stigma of having a relationship with someone who is married. Happy, well supported and stable couples mean happier and more stable societies. It’s mutually beneficial.

Marriage has a central place in religion, and Islam is no exception. So, to cover off the religious aspect, here is what Islam says: that marriage is a divine sign in order that the spouses may find peace and contentment in each other, and that love and mercy has been placed between them. In its essence, marriage is for the benefit of the two people involved, creating a tranquil and loving union. But it’s more than that too: to get married is to complete “half your faith”, it is part of fulfilling the human mandate and achieving spiritual perfection. And only then do we get to procreation as the reason for marriage. Islam is big on clear, solid family structure, and children knowing and respecting who their parents are. And it’s also very firm on parents taking clear responsibility for the upbringing and long-term care of their children.

A few months ago I was rummaging through the fabulous second-hand bookshop Barter Books in Northumberland, when my eye was caught (as it is want to do, since I am a writer with a fascination for love and marriage) by a dusty tome entitled Wooings and Weddings in Many Climes. Mainly, I love the word “wooing” and wish we would use it more often. I also wish that as a society there was more wooing going on. First published in 1900, the author travelled through various cultures and brings us stories and pictures of how different peoples engage in marriage. (Particularly good is the one on “Wigwamland”.) The one constant she is at pains to point out is that marriage flourishes in all contexts. This abundance of marriage across time and geography is something that should give weight to this question of what marriage is for and its potential benefits.

More than a hundred years ago, she made an observation that would not be out of place today: “I have found the marriage customs of most peoples strangely alike. And I have found the marriage fact, wedlock itself, almost identical everywhere. [...] The highest of all arts is the art of living with others – above all the art of living with those nearest and dearest. How many of our children are ever taught its alphabet?”

 If you thought wedding ceremonies can’t get more bizarre than the groom breaking a wine glass by stepping on it at a Jewish wedding, or the Finnish bride going from door to door with a pillowcase to collect her wedding gifts accompanied by an old man with an umbrella, think again.READMOREhttp://muslimmalaysia786.wordpress.com/2012/06/12/the-groom-breaking-a-wine-glass-by-stepping-on-it-at-a-jewish-wedding-that-what-happens-or-doesnt-happen-in-bed/