Fair warning — this is not for the faint of heart. It involves girls and their hair.
Guess what an increasingly common and popular form of plastic surgery is? In case you haven’t heard, it’s called “the Barbie” and prestigious surgeons in the US and around the world are spending their time, and making lots of money, “beautifying” women’s genitalia by making them smooth … like … Barbie’s. I’ll spare you the pictures, but you don’t really need them, do you?
All I have to say is, thank God for this Saturday’s Muff March in London. This morning’sGuardian reports that tomorrow morning, wielding signs like “Keep your mitts off our muffs!” and “I love my vagina!” protesters will march to raise awareness of the wrongness of this type of surgery. I know everyone should make their own choices about how they want their labia to look, but this is scary. The Muffia, organized by UK Feminista and a group of performance artists, ask a good question on their Facebook page: “Tired of cosmetic surgeons profiting from body hatred? Want to speak out against a porn culture that is driving more and more women to the surgeon’s table to get a ‘designer vagina’??” I am kinda bummed out that we don’t have our own Muffia march on this side of the pond.
This summer, Atlantic Monthly described the surgery, part of a burgeoning field of cosmetic gynecology, this way: “the labia minora are completely amputated” in order to “improve the appearance” of women’s private parts. In some parts of the world, a variant of this type of surgery is called a clitorectomy, where the clitoris and part of the labia are removed, but in this part of the world we call that torture and it’s not the same thing.According to the website of a premiere surgical practioneer of obg/gyn plastic surgery, “The Barbie or Smooth look is the most requested technique of labial surgery … and the most popular appearance wanted on the West Coast.” The bonus of course, is that this extremely lucrative surgery is unregulated.
It can be added to the list of other lady-parts enhancing fun like bedazzling, pink-dying and peach smoothie spa “facials.”
Porn aesthetics are trickling down, and the real question is how do girls and women compare to porn stars in that area — literally, in that area? It is the question that seems to be on the minds of the girls and women opting to pay to have their lady bits excised, (with some really nasty risks like permanent scarring, infections, bleeding) or just tightened (that would be vaginal rejuvenation therapy — the younger the vagina, the better, right?) There’s a movie freely available online, The Perfect Vagina, if you care to watch it in your leisure time. I am wondering exactly what world we’d live in where men would internalize their own objectification and consider, say, inserting metal rods in their penises or living in a state of perpetual priapism so that they could achieve the almost farcical lengths of some of porn greats? I am an ardent fan of the idea of the mulit-verse and think it must exist somewhere. Besides, I hate gender-based double standards and equity that area could make a vas deferns, opps, I mean vast difference to some women.
Now, to be sure, there are women who, particularly after childbirth benefit tremendously from surgery that addresses physiological problem, but that’s not labiaplasty, it’s generally vaginaplasty.
According to the Atlantic, the Guardian and other sources, the popularity of The Barbie, like that of Brazilian waxing, is almost certainly entirely derived from the normalisation of porn’s idealization of pre-pubescent pudendal beauty. Even Whoopie Goldberg, live on national TV, recently weighed in on the effects of porn and the grooming habits of women when it comes to their nether regions. Like many women, she loves porn, but hates it’s effects, apparently. The point isn’t to blame porn. Porn is not a cause of misogyny, it’s just another indicator of how women’s bodies and desires are portrayed in our culture. A portrayal whose internalization by women is driving demand.
Women should decide for themselves if they want this type of surgery. But, I actually don’t think it’s a genuine choice unless they can examine to what degree they’ve internalized their own objectification – something our culture actively disparages in girls and women. They sometimes end up being … dare I say it … feminists and we know what happens to those women. That’s not to say that there aren’t feminists that … nevermind.
The real question is, what’s a girl — and I mean that literally — to make of the designer vagina? More and more teen girls are asking their doctors about this surgery.
Mansi, a 24-year-old girl on the verge ofmatrimony is facing a commotion of mixed thoughts. Her nupital excitement is climaxing at two levels. On one hand, while she’s awaiting stepping into a realm of new relations, on the other, her ‘virginity-status’ is adding to her pre wedding jitters.
Mansi is getting sleepless nights wondering what if her better half comes to know that she’s not a virgin? Will he accept her if she dares to bare the truth? Can she hide it, if she tries? These questions popping into her mind prior to D-Night is adding to her nervous anxiety. However, she’s not alone as there are manywomen on the verge of tying the knot who face the same dilemmas.
So, is losing one’s virginity before marriage still a big deal? Let’s explore…
Kalpana Sharma, a Delhi based journalist, heralds the importance of open ended communication, adding that her conjugal relationship only improved after she and her partner chose to candidly share sagas of their steamy pasts with one other. “My guy wasn’t a virgin and he revealed this in our first few days of courtship. This gave me the courage to share my own experiences with him and he was equally cool with it. I think as long as the past doesn’t affect your present, it’s cool.”
For Rahul Rastogi, a 26- year-old, chartered accountant, revealing one’s sexual past is an individual’s personal prerogative, which should be respected. “If I were to discover on my first night that my partner is not a virgin, I would take it well, as at least one of us is more experienced,” he reveals. Ujjwal Sharma, finds the answer in the changing social trends, when he says, “In today’s age, I don’t expect my partner to be a virgin as it has become a trend to lose one’s virginity even without love.”
Discarding one’s past and cooking up a yummy future is the new relationship mantra amongst newly weds. New age lovers are matured enough to let the bygones be bygones and not allow their past baggage to ruin their future. “When one embarks upon a new journey with their partner, all that should matter is the present and the future,” says Arshi Uppal, a PR executive, based in Delhi. “It matters only if you are one. I won’t leave my wife for her past, but will definitely make sure she stays loyal with me for the rest of her life,” believes Lokesh Verma, a Delhi based tattoo artist.
The temptation to take the plunge becomes tough to resist, in a day and age when sex comes naturally in relationships of the heart. And modern day go-getters have no qualms in accepting that their partners may have gone the whole way in their past affairs. But, despite some broad minded couples, there are still those who relate virginity to morality. For them the bond of the unbroken hymen still scores over the bond of love and commitment. But what if you marry one of these?
Don’t fret! Now, while we’re are not talking about a technical ‘hymen reconstruction’ or innovative ways of faking virginity, rather we are doling out some fun formulas.
How far are we willing to take this obesssive focus on female bodies and these trends in modifying womens’ and girls’? How young is too young? Recently, Strollerderby, a parenting blog, actually had to suggest out loud that tweens are too young for Brazilian waxes. Those would be girls without pubic hair, for the most part. It’s just a little further along the spectrum of options to go for The Barbie.
Buffing, waxing, tweezing, grooming and various skin treatments are all available to younger and younger girls whose parents are willing to pay mucho dinero for luxurybeautification of their children, even in this economy, with, I’d argue, serious long-term deleterious effect on girls’ sense of their own body image and confidence.
Dr. Nancy Brown, a developmental psychologist who is a senior research associate at the Palo Alto Medical Foundation (PAMF) Research Institute and teaches Adolescent Sexuality and Gender, Culture and HIV in the department of human biology at Stanford University, describes hair removal for tween and teen girls this way:
The idea that removing genital hair is becoming the norm disturbs me on several levels. First, genitals without hair look pre-pubescent, and therefore the “creep” factor for me is big. Second, it is usually the male requesting the process, which is dangerous to the female, who gains very little except a rash and severe itching as the hair comes back. Finally, I think that this is one consequence of the increasing amount of pornography young males are exposed to, where they are exposed to a world where hairless genitals can be common.
The exact same thing can be said of designer vaginas and, in principle, about encouraging girls to focus on the details of every aspect of their bodies and appearance through regular spa and beauty treatments. I have three daughters. They LOVE this stuff. So does my mom and so did my mother-in-law. I know what the pressure and allure of this culture is. Besides, it’s fun, right? It is a constant tug-of-war.
Convey to your partner that you want to havesex, without actually using the words.
If your partner does not initiate sex, it does not mean that he/she doesn’t want to have sex. He/she might be shy or just not vocal about what she really wants. Make use of the following signs to get her/him into the act.
- If you are a woman, wear sensual lingerie to evoke him.
- Bathe and come out in wet hair and a nicely wrapped coat. You partner is ought to leave his work and get on to you!
- Use black or red silk sheets to raise the libido drive of your partner.
- Talk dirty or make dirty and naughty gestures. Actions speak louder than words
- Feel each other. It’s not always about getting on each other in one go. Touch his hands, hug her tight when she is sleeping, caress him/her and you are done.
- Bathe and come out in wet hair and a nicely wrapped coat. You partner is ought to leave his work and get on to you!
- Use black or red silk sheets to raise the libido drive of your partner.
- Talk dirty or make dirty and naughty gestures. Actions speak louder than words
- Feel each other. It’s not always about getting on each other in one go. Touch his hands, hug her tight when she is sleeping, caress him/her and you are done.
Men, read on. It’s also important to know the right ‘spots’ that will arouse her instantly:
1. A woman’s back is one of her most sensual spots. Make the ambience dark, play some good music and give her a nice rub or a massage. See what happens next.
2. Play with her ears. Whisper something. P.S. Don’t whisper ‘I want to make out.’
3. Tickle her on the neck and she’ll be instantly aroused.
4. Give her a foot massage and you’ll indirectly prove your tenderness.
It’s all about being soft, sensuous, tender yet naughty. Sometimes the process is more important than the climax.
That’s why organizations like Spark are dedicated to fighting the self-sexualization that girls come to develop as a result of inappropriate marketing and the effects of ubiquitous porn imagery. That’s why organizations like Spark are important.
Are you being ‘brutally honest’ with your partner? Well, here are some of the truths that most of couples prefer keeping under wraps.
From ages we have been told to stick to one fact – be ‘brutally honest’ with your partner in all aspects of life.
However, do we all follow that golden rule? Before you start feeling guilty, allow me to tell you that you are not the only one living with white lies in your relationship. The place where people feel most comfortable lying is their bedroom.
If women lie about their vital stats, men also fudge about the numerous sex partners they have had. May be it helps them in keeping the romance alive in their den. So here are some of the truths that most of the people prefer keeping under the wraps.
Fake it!
From once in a while to all the time, most couples fake an orgasm to avoid upsetting their partner. This is pretty common among the fairer sex.
From once in a while to all the time, most couples fake an orgasm to avoid upsetting their partner. This is pretty common among the fairer sex.
Revati Prasad, who works with a Noida- based MNC says, “Like all other girls, I spoke at length about lovemaking with my friends before getting married. But when it came to practicing it, I literally got cold feet. It’s been eight months, but it’s rare that I reach an orgasm. I find intercourse a painful act. Because of hesitation and the fear of rejection, I keep mum. I think it would affect my husband’s ego if I tell him that he fails to satisfy me.”
Dr Sanjay Chugh, a psychiatrist suggests, “At times men also fake an orgasm, but it’s mainly a female dominated phenomenon. There can be several reasons like guilt, fear of getting pregnant, no desirability for the partner or painful intercourse. Not necessarily you reach the big ‘O’ all the time, but faking it for long to save your partner from embarrassment is not the right thing to do in bed. Talking about the issue frankly will certainly help.”
I forgot the count
Most of the men consider women as extremely possessive beings. Therefore, they generally manipulate the number of women they have shared ‘good’ times with.
Most of the men consider women as extremely possessive beings. Therefore, they generally manipulate the number of women they have shared ‘good’ times with.
Rakesh Aggarwal, a marketing executive tells, “No women love competition, therefore I make no effort to bother my girls. It’s my ninth affair in four years, but I think I am really serious this time. She is my colleague in office. She does know that I am not a virgin, but I am in no mood to tell her that I have made love to almost half a dozen women.”
Dr Kamal Khurana, a relationship expert says, “It’s not only about women, men also don’t think highly of women who have had several sex partners in their past. This is the main factor why people prefer to lie about their ex partners. It’s definitely a personal choice, but keeping your partner in the absolute dark is unfair. If not completely, try to share some of details of your past with your mate.”
It was fun honey!
You were in between the act and your partner pushed you to try a new position. You found it awkward and it wasn’t that pleasurable too. Still you preferred to say, ‘it was great’. Many people can relate to this situation.
Reema Sinha, a content writer reveals, “Me and my guy were on a weekend break. I was really looking forward to some rocking action in bed. It was all going good before I found myself in a funny position. I think he was enjoying our new sex position, but I burst out into laughter, and my man was very disturbed seeing my reaction. So, I decided that I will let him experiment the way he wants.”
You were in between the act and your partner pushed you to try a new position. You found it awkward and it wasn’t that pleasurable too. Still you preferred to say, ‘it was great’. Many people can relate to this situation.
Reema Sinha, a content writer reveals, “Me and my guy were on a weekend break. I was really looking forward to some rocking action in bed. It was all going good before I found myself in a funny position. I think he was enjoying our new sex position, but I burst out into laughter, and my man was very disturbed seeing my reaction. So, I decided that I will let him experiment the way he wants.”
Dr Sanjay Chugh explains, “It’s a great thing to try out new ways to attain a high point with your partner in bed. Nobody likes to stick to a monotonous sex routine for too long. But you need to be considerate towards you partner’s comfort too. Keep in mind that it becomes difficult for women to attain the big ‘O’ in certain positions.”
Sizeable issues
Who goes to bed with a measuring tape in hand? And that makes it easy for everybody to boast about their vital stats.
Who goes to bed with a measuring tape in hand? And that makes it easy for everybody to boast about their vital stats.
Chitra Rawat, a media person says, “Men simply adore women who are blessed with a nice cleavage and my boyfriend is no different. Thanks to all the inventions in terms of lingerie, it is easier to look a size bigger. I think it’s fair enough to misguide him this much, if it gives him a sexual high. The only problem I face is, I can’t go for lingerie shopping with him.”
“Most of the men have a fascination for women with fuller figures. And if you know how to take advantage, than there is nothing like it. At times men also brag about their size. It’s better not to make claims that you may not be able to sustain for long. It may cause embarrassment to both of you,” tells Dr Khurana.
Virginity values…
Virginity still seems to be a big deal when it comes to marriage. No matter how modern people claim to be, they still want a virgin while getting married.
Virginity still seems to be a big deal when it comes to marriage. No matter how modern people claim to be, they still want a virgin while getting married.
Suparna Gupta, an architect confesses, “I have been in an intense relationship in my past, because of his family issues we couldn’t take it forward. Now I am getting married to another guy. With my sexual behavior, he might get to know that I am not a virgin. Therefore I plan to act extra cautious, I cannot afford to ruin my future because of my past. Sometimes I wonder, is it really a big deal.”
“It’s certainly not an uncommon situation. We live in a modern society and pre-marital sex is not an alien term now. However, it’s still a hush-hush issue. So if you think your partner will not be able to digest the truth about your past, then it’s better to keep it to yourself. Still it’s always advisable that if you have had a sexual relationship, you should go for a medical check up before you tie the knot,” Dr Chugh concludes.
I say parents, women in particular, need to stop and think doubly hard before using beauty as the primary form of bonding with girls. Try music or cooking or kite-flying or dog training or script-writing or sewing or basketball or singing or bike riding or dancing or knitting or stamp collecting or Star Wars re-enacting or knife sharpening or painting or virtually anything else you can possibly find instead. It’s one of the only ways to practically offset the oppressiveness of the alternative.
So, where is our Muff March? Because we sure as hell need one
are you tired of seeing this then click here for more
No comments:
Post a Comment